I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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