I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
