So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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