Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
