I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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