I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
