her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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