In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
