i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize