When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
