nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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