i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
