Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
