Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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