Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize