I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize