I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
