Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
