Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
