sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
