We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
how does that bad decision feel?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
