Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
