I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
