The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
