my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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