he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize