she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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