I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
