beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
