Why are handjobs necessary in class?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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