This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
