is your mom at the bar?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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