I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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