I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
