but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
