the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
