Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
