We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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