I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
