i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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