cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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