in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
