I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
