I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize