im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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