Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
