Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
