I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's like iHOP with fire
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
