Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
