when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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