the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize