Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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