I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
