Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
