well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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