He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Welp...herpes.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
