My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
