Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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