What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
