My brain says no but my pants say off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
