oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
