Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize