who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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