Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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