This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
