These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
