Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
bring money and cleavage
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
